Just Do It. Biggest line of bullshit since “You Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”. WE ALL KNOW IT’S NOT BUTTER.

But I finally did it – I raced. I knew it would click, I just wasn’t sure when. The effort needed to race at your highest physical potential requires a type of mental fortitude that comes from either complete ignorance, or great strength. I used to race at that level out of ignorance (I didn’t know how badly it would hurt, and once I realized it I was hooked because the pride is like a drug and that was then all I knew). But after a year of coming off of the drug, I couldn’t remember the euphoria and instead just the pain. Between the pain and the doubts if I even could, each race I said I was going to do it, and I just couldn’t muster the strength – Trek I used the excuse of my back and a mechanical. Jingle, which I have not written about here (but it is here on the Kona Cog), I saw other riders racing how I wanted, I saw it in their faces and their results, but I used the excuse of a crash that kept my pride in check. It was a good crash though. Every woman ended up sliding through the mud down mount Krumpit, but I put in a solid 200 foot slide at the bottom that NO ONE SAW because it was so innocuous a spot.

But this weekend, at Charm City, I did it. Last year was my first Charm City experience and I had really enjoyed it. I loved that it was a power course with slogging climbs and swooping turns, and the crowd was energetic and very interactive. It was actually the race where the most people approached me with hellos, equipment questions and congratulations. I am pleased to report that it was an overall positive vibe that was 100% replicated this year!

The weather was slated to be cooler than last year, but no rain was in the forecast. Despite this, there was quite a bit of mud on the course due to some broken water lines. The muddiest sections were along the pits before the (larger-than-last-year’s) flyover, down by a road crossing, and then coming back up to that road onto the finish straight. Despite these sections, the rest of the course was nice and tacky.

Course pre-ride on Friday we really thought it was going to be a file-tread weekend. The grass had been cut, everywhere but between the tape, and the wet spots were just wet grass. Some corners were slick, but we expected once the grass torn up the dirt would provide traction. Watching social media from the host house on Saturday morning, we were seeing the muddy bikes but were still skeptical. Showing up to the venue we saw the lines for the power washer were long, and after a lap of our own, we found out why. Those small sections of wet grass or little running streams turned into huge mud bogs.

It was decided to be an All Terrane day to help for some grip on the grass off-camber turns and when dropping into and climbing out of the mud bogs. There was a little thought and discussion as to whether or not the mud near the pits was rideable or if it should be a run, but most decided to just run in.

I had a front row call-up. The biggest contenders were Maghalie Rochette, Kaitie Keough, Ellen Nobel, Caroline Mani, and Sunny Gilbert. Lucky for me, Caroline was sick. Unlucky for me, each of the other women are very fit right now. The start for the race is a long climb that ends will a nice steep punch. I settled into the top five to seven wheels, knowing I wanted to be further up but telling myself to be patient and not make any stupid moves to crash anyone out. Bad decision. 4^th wheel was a rider that turned at about half of the speed of the front 3 and a huge gap opened up. I saw it happening but I couldn’t pass her and the other rider behind her in the turns without risking a crash. Then, I went to pass on a straight section before the mud bog, a risk I was willing to take, until Jamey Driscoll who was standing beside the course delivers this PSA “they moved the course! Course change! Stay right!”. Apparently while we were on the line, the course got restaked, making us take a turn in to the mud. No worries, us women are used to completely new lines due to new course designs that aren’t discovered until our first lap. I again wait to pass. I can’t remember when the pass happened, but there was a 13 second gap between me and 3^rd at the end of the first lap. Another 6 seconds back to the blocking rider. That was a huge deficit. I was never within a direct sightline of Kaitie Keough, who was in 3^rd dangling between myself and the front 2 riders. Everyone was saying that I was closing the gap, but I never seemed to make ground on her, and the most I could do was try to stay away from Sunny Gilbert who was dangling a few seconds behind me. I succeeded and finished the race in a solid 4^th, which was one spot better than last year.

Going in to Day 2, once again following a win by Kerry, I was determined to make a podium – I knew I was capable. I took Kerry’s burnt pancakes as a sign from above that I could do it. The course was very similar, but the mud pits grew even larger yet. I didn’t make any equipment changes, except adding a bottle into my jersey pocket and an ice sock tucked behind my neck. My start was fantastic. I got my pedals, remembered to shift and pedal, and ended up 4^th wheel entering the course. I made a pass to punch it into 3^rd, and there was only a small gap up to 1^st and 2^nd. I was STOKED! YES! I CAN RIDE IN THE FRONT GROUP!! I was so excited, that I rolled in the mud. Heading up into the pavement I was too stiff when I hit the ruts exiting a mud pit and just fell over. I quickly grabbed my bike, started running, and hopped on. I looked down and saw everything seemed to be in order with my drivetrain, so I got out of the pedals to catch Sunny who managed to pass me despite trying to take up a lot of space when I fell as to not get passed. I could not quite catch her wheel. I spent most of the race dangling in 4^th.

I settled for the spot, saying at least I am tying with yesterday. But I looked back and saw Georgia Gould charging hard behind me, closing the gap. Crap. Georgia is retired. I would need a really good excuse to get beat by her (she is an incredible athlete and honestly totally capable of winning the freaking bike race, but, this is my only job). I used the motivation of not losing 4^th to see I was actually closing in on Sunny. When I heard she was within 10 seconds I decided I could do it, and I was willing to lose 4^th place trying. I caught up and picked my moment to pass. Once I did, I could tell she was cracked, but I worked hard keeping the pace high and keeping my head in the game. And I crossed the line with my first UCI podium of the season – finally. But what is more, is that I crossed the line without any regrets and only one “what if”. “what if I didn’t crash on the first lap?” But we don’t ever race in a perfect world and rarely do cyclocrossers get clean races. I was stoked.

Looking back on Day 1 after Day 2, I know I could have shut down the gap to Kaitie. Could I have raced her for the podium spot once I got there? Perhaps. Could I have won that battle? I doubt it.

I am going to keep this mental motivation through my week of race and training into DCCX,;I am in contention for the overall win of the Parkway CX Trophy and that is something I am really hoping to take home! I am hoping to reach tip-top condition for the Pan-American Championships later this month. A podium there would mean the world to me! Or at least the continent.